My Journey of Parenting Through Perimenopause

Let's call it what it really is; a rollercoaster ride that I never agreed to ride. It came out of nowhere, spun me around, and rolled into the gate leaving me sweaty and completely turned around.

I feel like parenting is hard enough as it is. Then add in having neurodiverse children, and aging parents. Then perimenopause rolls around and says, "Hold my beer."

It starts gradually; forgetting someone's name, a word on the tip of your tongue, or you cry at something unexpected. Before you know it, you are completely forgetting full conversations you just had, crying at every little thing, carrying a fan in your purse, and taking 18 additional supplements to just get through the day.

I want to acknowledge how hard this stage of life is. We are often reminded that staying regulated ourselves is essential to help our kids regulate, but this can feel nearly impossible during perimenopause.

We are also experts at the medical system as we deal with it on a regular basis for our kids. We know how to access doctors, therapists and outside supports, for better or for worse. But now when we need support to function in our daily lives, we are having to fight for basic care or pay to see naturopaths or other professionals that take perimenopause seriously.

I overheard a group of women the other day discussing perimenopause. They were talking about what supplements they each used, which brand of estrogen patch they had on, and their weight and strength based training programs to allow them to stay healthy and in shape. One of the women brought up that she was struggling to get her doctor to take her seriously and prescribe anything. The group were offering different doctors to try or naturopaths to visit for support. I feel as if women are finally discussing perimenopause and it is no longer hidden away. But the medical system has some work to do to catch up. I stand behind my opinion that if the roles were reversed and men experienced perimenopause, we would have long seen treatment plans in place to support this.

The part that I find the most challenging though, is the brain fog. I have always had a really good memory. Now I forget things, can't remember people's names, and often have a hard time carrying an intellectual conversation without losing my train of thought. Just the other day I was at the gym and ran into someone that I recognized, and had a whole conversation with them, before I pieced together where I knew them from.

We need to normalize this and start talking about it more. I think marriages have the potential to really struggle during this period of life and our relationships are also challenged as we are going through a major hormonal shift with limited support. Add in the already challenging job of raising children and managing homes and careers, and we are put in an incredibly taxing position to try to do it all and be everything for everybody.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm being dragged through this stage of life, whether I like it or not. I'm determined though to get help, take care of my body, and talk openly about perimenopause because it is a real struggle and we need to normalize this change in our lives. The one big positive change I have noticed for myself is my ability to speak my mind. My tolerance for things I don't like is greatly decreased and I have a better clarity of where I want to spend my time. Honestly, I find it quite freeing and am enjoying this aspect of perimenopause. I was speaking with a colleague today about this and we were discussing how nice it is to be able to be clear on what we want and to go get it. I think when you hit this stage of life, you want to make it the best it can be. There is no time to spend doing things that don't bring you joy anymore.

I hope that some of this resonates with you, and if you ever need someone to connect with, I love speaking with parents about this journey. You can find me at This World's Ours Centre in Vancouver.

Take care,

Koryn