Surving to Thriving and All the Spaces In Between: Parenting Children with Complex Needs

Most days I oscillate between barely getting by and feeling hopeful about parenting and enjoying the time with my family. Parenting children with complex needs is by far the hardest job I have ever done. It is often compounded with limited sleep, illness, medical appointments and therapy.

It is incredibly taxing on my nervous system to constantly be going from thriving to surviving. Often one or two small events are the catalysts that can send me from a state of feeling calm and empowered as a parent to feeling as if I am drowning and barely able to catch my breath.

One of my colleagues described coparenting children with disabilities as passing a life saver between partners. One moment it's your turn to rest and take a breath, and the next you pass it to your partner and it's your turn to take over swimming and managing the storm. I feel incredbily grateful that I have a partner that takes his fair share of time parenting and carrying the mental load of our household.

Building support teams for your child and family is challenging. Between waitlists for providers and turn over rates of staff, it can sometimes feel as if your team is constantly in flux and changing. When it works, it is glorious. When it doesn't, it feels impossible and overwhelming. I cannot stress enough how important it is to find your village. Whether it's family, friends, a therapist, colleagues, a support group, or a neighbor, having people to talk to that get it, is so helpful. Sometimes just the act of saying what is happening and having someone bear witness to it, is all I need to feel heard and validated and it can give me the energy to move forward and continue on this journey.

This season is hard. The transition back to school with the upcoming summer vacation ahead, my kids are done. The transition back from Spring Break immediately into Easter was rough. Their schedules are constantly changing and as we know, transitions are tricky. This week I have seen and heard from friends and other parents that are struggling. It isn't easy to let others know when we are struggling, but without asking for support, people aren't able to step up and help. I know this week I reached a point where my personal coping strategies were maxed out and that I needed to reach out for help. I am grateful for my village that has stepped up to support my family and love my kids.

I hope that some of this resonates with you, and if you ever need someone to connect with, I love speaking with parents about this journey. Please don't hesitate to give me a call or send me an email. I am always happy to support and direct you to someone that can help your family. You can find me at This World's Ours Centre in Vancouver.

Take care,

Koryn