I have been reflecting this week on my kids journey through the education system and the key moments along the way that have shaped our experience. I was asked to speak as a parent and educator to a group of students becoming Educational Assistants. I have been reflecting on this for the last week and trying to narrow down the key messages I want to convey in a short period of time.

What are the key points I want to get across and what message do I want to leave them with?

A few themes emerged from my reflections; Community, Expectations, and Advocating.

The Importance of Community

I remember very clearly the first time I felt as if my son was a part of the school community. He was in grade 4 at a new school, and I remember getting a call from the school that he had had a rough day and gotten mad, and tipped over his desk. I remember driving to the school in a panic; I was so worried that they would kick him out of the school. I got there and the teacher very calmly told me what happened. My child walked out, head hung down, clearly aware that they were in trouble and had done something that they shouldn't have. The teacher knelt down and held their hands and told them that they loved him and couldn't wait to see him tomorrow. It was the first time he had felt that someone cared about him at a school.

To be a part of a community, you need to feel as if you are valued and a contributing member. You want to feel as if people are excited you are there. For my son, feeling loved was the first step to him wanting to join that school community and experiencing success. He was able to go to school for full days, make friends, and be a contributing member.

I have noticed over the years in dealing with the education system, that when I felt a part of the school community, my kids were often included and thriving. This last year my daughter has a tricky year in school. It isn't the first time we have had a hard year, but I noticed when I reflect back, that I didn't feel she was included in the same way as she was in the past. The teacher didn't plan outings or field trips that were inclusive or things she could participate in. I felt as if the teacher took no responsibility over her education, and by doing this, I felt as if she didn't belong at the school.

Having a parent or family that feels included and a part of the community makes the relationship with the school so much stronger. They will advocate to support their child and to build up supports in the school.

Understanding a Parent's Role in the Education System

Being a parent of a child with disabilities also comes with the responsibility of being their advocate.

Advocating can be exhausting. It feels as if you are constantly having to fight for basic human rights for your child. Things that other kids are given, you have to fight to have your child be able to access.

But having an understanding of this in the Education system is important. It is important to know that parents can be a huge advocate. It is also important to understand the burnout faced by parents and what can sometimes come off as apathy, especially as our children get older and parents are exhausted from the continuous battle. As a parent, if you have people at the school that you trust and that you know have your child's best interests at heart, it allows you to relax. For me, it allowed me the time and energy to focus on supporting the school in their efforts to create more sensory spaces for their community.

Why Setting Expectations Is Important & Communicating Positively with Parents

When we set realistic expectations and achieve them, we are setting ourselves and our children up for success. I have been thinking a lot lately about expectations and happiness (and even wrote a blog post about it: Read Here). One of the things that I have been thinking about is how expectations play into the daily routines at school and how this impacts all parties.

When an Educational Assistant is able to have a goal for a child for the day, they have a basis to plan their day around. They also have a marker for success and a talking point for when they chat with the family.

If we were able to have achievable goals for our children on a daily basis, as a parent, you would then be receiving positive feedback about your child. As a parent, we often hear a lot of the negative things our kids did in a day. To be able to reframe the conversation and hear about all of the good things they accomplished, this would go a long way in building a positive culture for our child and the school environment.

Our child would be able to hear us talk about them positively and be able to hear all the good things they worked on in a day and as parents, we would get to hear other adults talk about our child positively. This also builds a good rapport and relationship with the school team.

In short, kindness can go a long way.

Key Takeaways:

• parents can be a huge advocate and support if you are all on the same team

• building an inclusive community allows all members of the community to thrive

• set expectations and celebrate the wins! Parents love to hear the good things their kids did that day.

I hope that some of this resonates with you, and if you ever need someone to connect with, I love speaking with parents about this journey. Please don't hesitate to give me a call or send me an email. I am always happy to support and direct you to someone that can help your family. You can find me at This World's Ours Centre in Vancouver.

Take care,

Koryn