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Feelings of Overwhelm & Getting Back to Writing

I went out for a drink with a friend the other night and we started talking about caregiving and the toll it takes on us. I was telling her about a particularly challenging evening with one of my kids and how it left me feeling defeated as a mother. I was struggling to understand why my feelings of overwhelm were coming on so strongly and why my bandwidth to deal with stressful situations was so low. She gently reminded me that this past year had been stressful. That my ability to manage stress may be low because I had a lot on my plate to manage.


Mom in bed with child dealing with overwhelming feelings

As some of you may have noticed, the blog has been quiet this last year. I find it hard to write when I am in a place of overwhelm, although I know it is probably what I need to do. This past year has been extrememly challenging for me personally and for my family. Between the loss of my mother and other family challenges, it felt like we barely made it to 2025 intact. Prior to these challenges, I was finally starting to feel as if I had my own life somewhat under control. My anxiety had greatly decreased, I was taking care of my body by working out on a regular basis, I was going to counselling, I was happy at work, and my family and home life felt manageable. I was content and working on myself, which felt nice. Then in Septemeber, my mom passed away. I felt as if I walked through the fall in a fog, making it through each day, but barely.


I have started to notice that my ability to manage stress currently is low and I feel as if I did when my kids were little - always in fight, flight, or freeze. I am one small incident away from feeling like a failure as a parent. I want nothing more than for my kids to look back on me and see a kind, patient, and loving mother. In times of stress, I feel like my worst self is brought out and I struggle to maintain my calm under pressure.


I feel grateful though for those few months of feeling content, because I know I can get back there in time. I am taking life one day at a time, but still making sure my needs are a priority. I used to feel such mom guilt about taking time for myself, but over the years, I have come to realize that I am a better mom when I make sure that I am healthy and have my needs met. For me, this means working out, going to counseling, spending time with friends and family, and speaking up for myself when something is upsetting me (this one is still a work in progress). I know that there is still a lot of hard work ahead of me. I know that grief takes time and that I have a lot to process over the next few months and years. I am hoping that some of my healthy habits will help me out along the way.


How journalling can help feelings of being overwhelmed

I am hopeful that writing will also be part of my journey. I know it has been a critical part of how I process my emotions and feelings in the past. My hope is to share my journey with you and that you may connect with parts of it. I have so many stories I want to share with you this year about raising neurodivergent children, dealing with trauma and grief, building community, and more. I hope that some of it resonate with you and if you ever need someone to connect with, I love speaking with parents about this journey. You can find me at This World's Ours Centre in Vancouver.


Take care,


Koryn






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