Being Missed: The Importance of Small Rituals with our Kids

This year I have been really focused on building community and strengthening my connections with friends and family. The passing of my mom has really highlighted the importance of family and leaving my children with good memories of me and our time together. I want to feel connected with them and be able to create core memories.

My middle child has been having a tough year. He has made some really good progress in some areas and has seen challenges in other areas.

He joined a soccer team in the Fall, which shows us he has come such a long way. It had been years since he tried a team sport, so when he came to me and asked if he could play, I quickly registered him and reached out to the coordinator to ensure he would have a good experience.

School has been very tricky for him this year. He has friends and some good social connections, but unfortunatly, his connection with his teacher was not a positive one. This has resulted in spending less time at school and less time with friends. It is devastating as a parent to see your child, especially your child with autism who has struggled socially for years, want social connections and not be able to have them. My husband and I have noticed that he seems lonely. He still has connections with neighborhood kids, but seems to be missing the daily connection with some of his peers.

In an effort to strengthen our bond and my connection with him, I started coming home from work each day and telling him that I had missed him during the day. I wanted him to know that he was on my mind, that I was thinking about him, and that I wanted to spend time with him. I tried this for a few weeks and then one day I came home in a rush. I only had a few minutes between appointments and needed to very quickly move laundry, unpack groceries and tidy the kitchen before having to race off to pick up my other child. I was in the process of moving laundry from the washing machine to the dryer when he came in and asked me about my day. I hurriedly told him it was good but that I had a lot to get done in a short amount of time.

He looked at me and said, "Mom, I missed you today."

I teared up, stopped what I was doing, and told him how much I had missed him, too. I gave him a hug, and in that moment, I felt and understood the importance of this new ritual we had.

It's been a few weeks since that afternoon, but it still stops me in my tracks when he says he misses me when I get home from work.

It's important for me to have him know how loved he is, how much I think about him, and that he is someone to be missed.

Work and family life are busy in my household. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activities and chores and forget to take those small moments to connect with those I love.

This small ritual has helped us stay connected to each other and has strengthened our bond. It is one of the highlights of my day to come home and connect with him.

I hope that some of this resonates with you, and if you ever need someone to connect with, I love speaking with parents about this journey. You can find me at This World's Ours Centre in Vancouver.

Take care,

Koryn